Thursday, April 26, 2012

The pits

I'm sick of home. Maybe not home in the literal sense (or that too) but family, to be more specific. Not my mum's side - those guys are awesome. I'd be happy to admit that I'm related to them. It's the paternal side that frustrates me. EVERYTHING must be done and said in an orderly and politically correct manner. Why? Oh the horror of being modern and honest and REAL. And how dare we challenge someone's position in society, or do something that would honestly never seem disrespectful, but for these guys, would be as bad as bringing down a colony? Why must I be told to speak in a certain manner with certain family members, or control my emotions when 'controversial' topics are in the limelight at the dinner-table, or be forced to put on a facade and pretend to be in agreement with all that's being said and done? I'm sick to the bone. I DON'T want to be told to be nice, and sweet, and patient, and timid. Heck, I'm not timid. I've never been timid and I never WILL be timid. I will NOT not glare at you if you say something disgusting/ racist/ sexist/ communist, which you do, most of the time. I will NOT lower my voice when you choose to push me back down when I raise the question of whether or not my views and opinions matter. I REFUSE to be condemned to follow your religion - I'm bilingual, yes, but I don't follow the other one; not because I'm being rebellious or too much of a teenager, but because I'm sick of religion and all its prescriptions. WHY must I pray to a certain kind of higher power when all I can do is beg in times of need and pray my heart out to the higher power in general? I will NOT feel guilty about greeting you too late in the evening during an auspicious day or a day of celebration. I forgot. Is that SO fucking bad? Get over it, and in the process get over your fucking selves. I will NOT let you stand in the way of my dreams, and have you brainwash me about my future. I will NOT fall in your political trap, and be dragged down with you into the gigantic pile of horseshit you formed for yourselves. And one more thing: I'm not a brainiac. I've never really been one. Being the highest scorer in school doesn't mean that I'm gonna be that way for the rest of my fucking life. I've dumbed down, and if I'm not afraid to admit it, it would be awesome if you learnt to get that in your empty skulls as well.

I'm grateful, to a certain extent, for all that you've provided me with. I will not deny that. But I'm done being patient and wait for you to present me with the opportunity to be myself, to speak out when I do feel like it, to believe in my own beliefs, to make my own mistakes, to choose my own idols and respect the people who I choose to respect - and this time, not because they're older than me, or they've achieved a lot more. But because they know I'm human, they how I am to be treated and because, heck, they deserve it, unlike you lot.

Learn to be open-minded - it's not a sin. Your 'Gods' will not come down on you if you think outside the box and your stupid set of beliefs.

To those of you who have nothing to do with this post, my apologies. A girl needs a good rant from time to time.

1 comment:

Magali said...

Sorry about your situation, & yes a girl definitely needs a good rant from time to time! I hope you felt better, it always works for me. :)